I know I’ve been quite of late and generally with being visible at all and that’s because over the past few months, I have really had to take a step back and do some major self-examination and self-care. See at the beginning of August things came to a stand-still when I was signed off with stress and it took me by complete surprise, well the signing of bit that is, not the stress. Since the beginning of the year I have been pushing myself and working extremely hard because I was so excited to get my coaching and mentoring business properly off the ground but I had many other things to do at the same time. Full time job, buying a flat, family, social life and I thought I could fit it all in, on very little sleep.
I grew up with highly successful siblings much older than I am (20 and 16 years older to be precise) and I remember as a child admiring them both so much and thinking I had to live up to them and that turned into outperform them to make my parents proud. So unconsciously, I embedded striving, perfectionism, anxiety, stress and overwhelm into my behaviours and habits.
It wasn’t until I was on my knees that I realised things needed to change and ask for help. Being forced to take time out was an eye opener, I hadn’t ever been in that situation before and I didn’t know what to do with it. I knew that if I wasn’t careful and didn’t learn how to reduce and manage my stress and anxiety, I could end up heading down a path I didn’t want to take and giving up on my dreams. I absolutely wasn’t willing to do that, not for one second.
It was the ultimate wake up call.
For the past few months, I have had to consciously work at instilling new habits and implementing these into my daily life to reduce my stress, anxiety and to create a more calm, peaceful inner and outer space. The truth is, that the stress and overwhelm we face usually isn’t necessary. It’s a sudden natural reaction with the release of adrenaline and cortisol, a fight or flight response that prepares and pressures your body to respond to whatever triggered it. An excellent response to dangerous, life threatening situations but not such as great space for your mind or body to be hanging out in full time.
Today, more often than not, we’re stressed. We’re overworked, we’re run down and we’re burnt out. Our bodies don’t have enough time to return to our default relaxed, happy and humming state. Which in turn means constant release of stress hormones and when your stress levels are too high it can cause a weakened immune system, insomnia, inflammation, high blood pressure and a psychological or physical breakdown. Obviously, it’s not good. We need to keep our stress levels down.
In my own life, it exhibited as inability to sleep, being in a manic rush rush rush state, anxiety, back and neck pain constantly and feeling tired all the time.
I felt like a fraud, here I could help my clients with what they were going through in their lives with great results but I was unable to help myself. It bought up tons of doubts in myself and my abilities.
So being forced to take time out, a month in total, I took a step back and re-examined what wasn’t working in my life and what I needed to do differently to get to the success and freedom goals I set for myself back in January. You see success and freedom mean different things to everyone and when I took that step back and looked at them again, I realised that for me it’s about creating a life where I can do the work I want to do, follow my dreams and set my own work schedule. I want to empower women, have fun along the way and have the freedom to travel and see my family whenever I want to.
I had to bring it back to my why and what drives me (my values) and make some tough decisions about my path going forward.
When a client starts talking to me about their life and challenges they are facing, they are eager to get going on a solution, to close the gap between where they are and where they want to be. I always slow them down and take the time to explore their big why and what is driving them to make the changes they desire. If we don’t do this and just go after something for the wrong reason, the changes won’t stick and we’ll end up right back in the same position we have always been.
Now, I want to hear from you! In the comments below let me know what are your big whys, and what are you struggling with in life?
Share your own story – you never know, you might inspire someone else, so share your comment below now.