Growing up in Zimbabwe I was a very shy child, I had an older brother and sister, but they were both much older and had left home when I was a young child. I remember feeling very inferior to them all the way through school as I heard and saw all their accomplishments. Now looking back, I realize as a child, teenager and young child this had a big impact on me. I grew up with the belief that I had to “prove myself” to be loved by my parents. Of course, that wasn’t true but that is the story that I made up in my head and it affected me greatly.
Looking back through your life do you have any stories like this and what have you made them mean to you?
Now after a lot of mindset work, I realize and can logically look back and go okay Jax, they are 20 and 16 years older than you, they are at a different stage of life. You have your own unique journey.
After all, in my early 20s, I had moved to London with my then boyfriend to travel and work. We ended up loving it so much that we stayed, and got married after 5 years together. Lovely life, lovely friends, lovely job. Until my big whammy happened and changed my life path forever.
I was heading towards my 30th birthday and had a huge party planned with all my friends. About 3 weeks before that my husband and I had a massive fight, and something told me to ask him if he was having an affair. I never expected him to say yes but, he did and swiftly left saying he loved me as a friend but didn’t want to be with me anymore. Within a weekend he went to live with the other woman. I was devastated, we had just passed our 10 years together and I thought we would be together for ever.
I didn’t know what to do with myself, but I held on and my friends literally picked me up off the floor regularly for the next few years. 8 months after that my beloved father passed away suddenly and I flew back home to South Africa for his funeral and to be with my family. I felt numb, I didn’t realize it was possible to feel this bad. I wanted to die, I had lost the two most important men in my life and I thought my life was over.
I felt like a zombie, but I still had to keep on working, pay my bills and live my life. I was terrified, I hadn’t been alone in 10 years. I didn’t know how to be alone, I didn’t know how I was going to pay my bills. I didn’t want a room mate because I wasn’t used to living with anyone else.
Somehow, I did it all. I was proving to myself everyday that I was strong and capable
And then I was told I was being made redundant from my job at the end of 2010…… man I thought what else could happen. Luckily with one job hiccup and leaving after two weeks, I found a great job in London and whilst a big deal for me to commute from Cambridge to London every day I soon got over it, and then my new company had a restructure a month in and I thought for sure I would be the first out the door.
I wasn’t it all worked out okay, although I had to reapply for a role in the new structure. Everything settled down for a while. My divorce was finalized, and I started dating again (that’s a story for another time!)
Fast forward on to November 2012, I had meet a great guy in September, we were dating, and everything was good. I did however feel so bad being away from my Mom who was lonely and living alone. We would talk every day, sometimes twice a day and I missed her tremendously. She fell ill and was rushed into hospital and by the time I flew out she was unconscious and on a ventilator to help her breathe. We lost her 2 days later. 2 and a half years after my Dad passed away. Again, I was thrust into an uncontrollable event and just wondered if some people were just unlucky. I felt so angry at the world that I had lost so much in such a short space of time.
Throughout these years I went on and off anti-depressant, for therapy, for church counseling. I got baptized, changed jobs but something was missing. I eventually was happy again. Fleeting glimpses here and there but I always worried that I felt so low a lot of the time. I missed the vibrant woman I once was.
Do you ever feel like you are meant for something more, that there is something out there that you should be doing?
Over those years I searched and searched, I always knew I wanted to help people, but I didn’t know what that looked like. I didn’t want anyone to go through the pain that I had been through. Yes, I was now in a fantastic relationship, but something was definitely missing.
That’s when I started googling and I came across life coaching courses, I decided to go along to a free taster weekend and was hooked. I signed up to do a Personal Performance Coaching diploma and a NLP Practitioner Diploma and immersed myself in studying and coaching practice clients every free change I got.
I loved it, I had found my passion and was thriving. I was working full time and studying, eventually qualified and then started my own business. It was oh so hard at times but so rewarding. I hired my own business coach and then another and started building up my business. I have a heart for coaching women although I have coached men too.
Looking back over my journey and my life, I would never have thought in a million years that I would be where I am today, but I equally would never want to change my journey.
It’s through the hard times that we grow the most, know what we are made of and who we can count on.
Now I look at every day as a chance to learn something, no matter what is thrown at me.
My perspective has completely shifted, and I have learnt that we make our own reality, we are in charge of our actions and we have a choice in everything we do.
Life is full of ups and downs and recently its been a down but I consistently keep up my mindset work, have a great coach and great friends and I notice such a huge difference in how fast I come back from these downs. It truly is remarkable what you can do when you quite literally CHANGE your mind
If I could share one thing of value lovely lady it would be this:
Take 100% responsibility for your life and see how your life changes because of it.